I haven't had a chance to blog for a little while. There was a week that I went solid all week long and put some solid time into blogging, but then I realized that it was interfering with writing to Dana, so I backed off a little bit. I have over 15 drafts saved that I could post, but they seem to have no context so I haven't even been doing that. Since I don't have any real solid thoughts to post I decided to post some questions I'm currently mulling over in my mind instead.
So the past two weeks have gotten a lot busier. I really like to take at least an hour a day to pray/read the Word, really just time to be still and know that God is God. Time to just be in the presence of my savior, lying silently and communing in my heart with my God (Ps 4). But, as I've gotten busier I haven't had that time. I still pray, as I go through my day I talk with God, but I haven't had as much time to meditate on Scripture. Interestingly, when I don't read my Bible every day it becomes a lot harder to draw Scripture to mind. When I'm in the Word everyday I can quote different passages, even things I haven't read in a while, but if I stop for a week it all seems to leave. Is this bad? I've been in the place where this goes on for months and I know that that is a problem, but what about a few weeks? By not regularly taking that "time aside" with Jesus am I missing something in that relationship? I'm still walking with him, I'm still living my life in light of my relationship with him, I'm still seeking to overcome sin and live in the Spirit, but there's not that concentrated time with my Father. I struggle to know when and if this is wrong or bad and when and if this is right and good. Interestingly, in the past two weeks I have shared the gospel with more people than I did for the past 6 months and I have given out more New Testaments than I have given out in years. This is not because I've been actively seeking people out, but God has just been giving me opportunities. So is this just a period, just a phase of my walk, is God just using me and relating to me differently than normal, am I where I am supposed to be?
I don't know the answers to all these questions. What I do know is that I have a power dwelling within me that is like the working of his mighty strength that raised Christ from the dead. I know that He will not stop until he has completed the work he began within me. I know that I am not dead but alive. I know that I have a peace and joy in the Lord that I sometimes don't even experience when I am taking regular times of uninterrupted communion. I know that I am reaching out and sharing my faith, or rather that God is giving me opportunities to share. I know that if I am walking in the wrong direction God will gently and kindly bring me back. So for now I walk, I even run, through my life, chasing the goal of being more like Christ, for now that means doing school, friendships, and jobs to the best of my ability, and I pray that some day soon I can slow down and enjoy more of that time of concentrated fellowship with the One who loves me more than any other could.